A codpiece for Pretty Boy Rhoid and big girl underwear for me

I have quit wearing sexy underwear. Actually, this was not a recent event, and I did not come to this decision alone. I knew something was wrong when the peeping tom outside my bedroom window started retching, when I was getting dressed one morning. Usually, he just chuckles. I wasn't sure that the sight of me in my sexy lingerie had prompted his illness, so I decided to discuss it with my roommates. Three were in agreement that I should quit wearing the lingerie, and one didn't care. Well, I expected the cat's vote, because all he cares about is rubbing against my ankle trying to trip me, getting fed every ten minutes, and asking me to open the door, even though he can get out the doggy door anytime he wants. But I was surprised that the dogs felt so strongly. Since I was out voted, I went back to my big girl underwear. And now that cancer has entered my life, it's just as well. It's not so much the cancer, but what has happened since my last surgery. 

Two days after the surgery, Pretty Boy Rhoid woke up after a long hibernation. I am not sure what the surgeons did to him when they went in there, but whatever it was has riled him, and he is now a very big part of my life. So, if I were inclined to wear thong underwear, for example, I would have to decide if I wanted to dress on the left of the right, like guys do. If codpieces were still in style, I would need one. Because of the recent surgery, I have not been able to use my normal hemorrhoid prescription. So instead, like most people, I went out and bought a large bag of fruity flavored freezer pops in assorted flavors. They are the worst tasting popsicle you can imagine, but I'm not eating them. Throughout the day, I am taking one out of the freezer and wrapping it in a paper towels to avoid freezer burn, and then I put it in my big girl underwear, sit for a spell, and give Pretty Boy Rhoid the cold shoulder, or whatever part it's hitting on him. Happily, this seems to be working, as he is not the huge presence that he was on Friday. He is backing down. With any luck and enough fruity flavored freezer pops, he will go back in his cave and sleep some more. If I were him, I would be quiet and not be a nuisance, because my colorectal surgeon is one of the top hemorrhoidectomy surgeons in the region. Also, I still have quite a few fruity flavored freezer pops left.