It's been over a month since my last post, and I've been very busy. And my old plumbing has been working overtime. Sometimes, it doesn't give me adequate notice that it's time to "go," so I have to step on it and sprint to the bathroom. Sprinting has become more of an ordeal than usual. The usual ordeal involves my three dogs walking to the bathroom with me. One runs ahead, another walks slowly in front of me in my narrow hallway and stops and turns around from time to time to make sure I'm still coming, and the third one stays behind me. When I finally get seated, the one who walks slowly in front of me sits down next to me and assumes that this is the perfect time and place to be petted. He is delighted that I am in there as often as I am. Sometimes, the other two come in for petting, too, but mostly it's just my boy and me.
The other reason sprinting has become an ordeal is that I now have peripheral neuropathy either from the chemotherapy or sciatica or something else. It's only affected my left leg which prompted my medical oncologist to say that it's probably not from the chemo, because it's usually bilateral and happens when people got more doses of the offending chemo drugs than I got. But my PCP said she has had lots of patients who had the same symptoms I had, and they had had Taxol like I had. I also read that Cisplatin, which I also had, can cause peripheral neuropathy. Both Taxol and Cisplatin were in the TIP chemo regimen that I had before the regular chemo and radiation started. The TIP regimen significantly shrank the tumor.
Regardless of what caused it, it is keeping my life from getting back to my "used to be." It started back in March or April. I don't remember when, but I do recall that for a time, walking felt the best, sitting was a little painful, and lying down was very painful. I used a heating pad at work on my back and hip. I was able to walk with my walking buddies at lunch time, but I was slower. While I was in the hospital for the colostomy reversal, I got the physical therapist to come to my room and show me some exercises. That was back at the beginning of May. I've talked to my colo-rectal surgeon, my medical oncologist, my PCP, a chiropractor, a massage therapist, and an acupuncturist about it. No one really knows where it is from, but they all have given me exercises to do. I am still seeing the acupuncturist and the massage therapist, and I've been attending classes on meditation. When I leave the acupuncturist and massage therapist, I get temporary relief and don't need to use my cane. But after a while, the mojo wears off, and I'm back to the pain and my cane. I wouldn't have had a cane to use, but I had given one to my Dad years ago, and when he died, I brought it home with me, never imagining that I'd need to use it.
I'm on drugs for nerve pain and regular pain, but the nerve pain is able to rise above the drugs and surprise me with sharp shooting pain in my calf, shin, foot, and big toe. Basically, I've got pain 24/7, but sometimes the drugs are able to keep it at bay. It's worse when I wake up in the very early morning for a bathroom visit. Then, I have a hard time falling back to sleep. What's weird is the areas that get the sharp shooting pain are numb to the touch. Besides the pain, there is a feeling of heat, as if someone were constantly burning my skin. The top of my foot hurts after I wear shoes for a while, so I go barefoot a lot, at least when I'm home. Although I'm very careful moving around, sometimes the tip of my foot, which I can't feel, gets stuck on the end of the rug, and I'll trip, but I'm usually able to stay upright. Recently, after a massage, I was trying to straighten a rug runner that the dogs had moved while rough housing. I straddled it and fell, landing on my rear, and felt stabbing pains running through my calf and foot. I stayed on the floor for a minute surveying the damage, and when I saw all was okay, I got up.
A few days ago, I rammed my right little toe into the cane, because I think it's important to balance out the pain, although the left side is winning. Early this morning, when I got up for a bathroom visit, my cat walked in front of me, and I tripped, and my big toe curled under, and it has been hurting ever since. The intermittent, high frequency, stabbing pains I've had today in my calf and big toe are the kind that actually make me exclaim something appropriate out loud - from my meditation class, I've learned that the appropriate Buddhist thing to say would be "Hi pain. I am aware of you. Please come in and have some tea." I tried that the other night, but the pain took advantage of my kindness and is probably a fundamentalist of some sort. When the cat's tail brushes against my skin, it hurts. Sometimes, I'll think one of the dogs or cat is touching my leg, but there's no one there. At times, it feels like there's a hot vise around my foot below my toes. Right now, the arch of my foot is on fire and there's a pulsating pain there, which I don't want to serve tea to.
My next step is to talk to a woman who was introduced to me by the executive director of the volunteer organization I have joined. She is also a volunteer who had cancer and now has neuropathy. I'm hoping to get some insights from her. I have also made an appointment to see an orthopedic doctor who may write a prescription for physical therapy. At some point, I'll run out of options and will either have rid myself of this miserable condition or have learned to live with it. If I must live with it, I reserve the right to yell curse words or kind Buddhist words if I become enlightened, when it's warranted.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've been dragging my feet, because I hate to cook, but I need to hot foot it into the kitchen and make some dinner. Until next time, remember to put your best foot forward and toe the line.
