This is not the first time I've needed a sphincter on my brain to shut off the flow of questions

Tomorrow, I officially meet with my colorectal surgeon. I met her briefly before the dueling surgeons performed biopsies on my lower 40, or lower 63 in my case. I believe tomorrow's meeting may involve the following hot topics: 
1.  Colostomy - no sphincter means no control, and no control means shit happens
2.  Combining colostomy surgery with chemotherapy and radiation - what doesn't kill you, makes you wish it had
3.  Gas after a colostomy - does it make a noise and will the bag explode, if I don't open it and let it out?  Is that where the term an old gasbag comes from?
4.  Colostomy fashion - who sells designer bags? If no one does, is there a market for this?
5.  The flu and a colostomy - if I get the flu and have it coming out of both ends, won't it be easier with an ostomy bag? Will I even care?
6.  Will I need another purse (one that doesn't smell like bananas) to carry my ostomy supplies? What are ostomy supplies? 
7.  Will I be able to enjoy sex after the colostomy surgery, even if I wasn't enjoying it before the colostomy surgery?
8.  What are the annual projected savings on toilet paper?
9.  When I walk my dogs, will we bond even more when they see that we all have poop bags?
10. How far down in my colon will the incision for the colostomy be made? 
11. Where and how do I empty my "bag"? Do I have to rinse it out? 

I also have questions about what stage my cancer is in: amphitheater, pageant in the market place, apron, restoration, or proscenium? What will determine if my colostomy can be reversed? Will I need to have more frequent tests for recurrence of the cancer, after it's "vacuumed" out of my body. If so, what kinds of tests will be needed? Will my insurance company call those tests, preventative (they pay) or curative (I pay)? How frequently will I need to have a colonoscopy? Will someone ever come up with a prep drink for a colonoscopy that isn't disgusting? What are the side effects of chemo and radiation? What long term effects are possible from chemo and radiation? Why does having cancer seem like a full time job? Have I met my deductible yet?